chai827

As I do every year...


1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Graduated from college, moved to a foreign country, began a relationship from 6,000 miles away, left a graduate program after 6 months, flew half way around the world to see someone, went to Greece, had a leading role in a musical, made Thanksgiving dinner, stood on the brink of realizing my greatest fear

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept it better than usual, and yes I will make another

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no

5. What countries did you visit?
Israel, Greece, England (for a couple hours), Canada

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More time with the people I love most, time to figure out what I want with my life

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Febuary 14 - Hello Again opened
The day I auditioned for HUC and the day I got into HUC
September 21 - the day Evan and I got together

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The growth I did during my time in Israel

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hurting someone I love

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing too serious

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane ticket

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Evan, Aviva, Anak, Jessica and Chad, Lauren, my Mom, Nancy, Kristin, Alexi

14. Where did most of your money go?
Travel

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving to Israel, Hello Again, graduation, trips

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
Anything from Hello Again, The Internet is for Porn, I Love You Because

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? not sure
ii. Thinner or fatter? about the same
iii. Richer or poorer? pooror

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Time with family

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Obsessing in general

20. How did you spend Christmas/Hannukah/etc.?
First day of Hanukkah in Jerusalem, then the rest in the hospital

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2008?
The OBOC cast party

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Hell yes

23. How many one-night stands?
0

24. What was your favorite TV program(s)?
House and ANTM

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No

26. What was the best book you read?
Eat Pray Love, Twilight, Harry Potters

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
New musical theater and Israeli pop

28. What did you want and get?
Acceptance letter to grad school, college diploma

29. What did you want and not get?
For my dream come true to still be my dream

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Sex and the City Movie

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked in the morning after going out to dinner the night before, then went out shopping and to rehearsal, then a small party in the evening. I was 23.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not living with the people I lived with

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Comfy

34. What kept you sane?
Evan

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Orlando Bloom

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Arab-Israeli conflict, the US election

37. Who did you miss?
Family, Evan, friends from Rochester

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Aviva, Anak, Lauren, Jessica, Chad, David, Nancy, Sarah, Andrea, Yon

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Nothing turns out like you expected

40. If you could sum up 2008 in three words, what would they be?
Love, growth, changes

I've made enough internal changes - it was time for something more obvious.

Countdown to NOT living with an inconsiderate couple I despise sharing a space with: 30 Days

Considering all of the kvetching I've done recently via live journal, I thought it was time for a change.
Tonight was one of the best nights I've had in Jerusalem. I met up with Aviva, Anak, and Yon (my crew from early on in my HUC year) for dinner in Ben Yehuda (the main restaurant/bar/club/shopping area near my apartment). We went to a restaurant/bar called Mike's Place, which is advertized as "Your home away from home" for Americans. The four of us had the most American meal we've seen in Israel: cheese fries, nachoes, pizza, and my tofu burger and cosmopolitan. We had a blast just talking over dinner, and then walked around Ben Yehuda getting frozen yogurt (me) and chocolate crepes (Anak and Aviva), then browsing for scarves and hookahs and jewelry. We met the sweetest shop owner guys who gave us amazing deals, and I got a beautiful new necklace that I had no intention of buying until he cut about 200 shekels (about $55) off the price because it "made me happy." I spent all evening just walking around, browsing, and laughing with some of my absolute favorite people ever.
It's nights like this that remind me why I love it here, and why I love the life I've made here in spite of my struggles with it.

"I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs with the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs. I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues. I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels to be trotting along at the genius's heels! I will NOT be the girl who requires a man to get by."

There was another terror attack in Jerusalem last night. A car drove into a crowd of people - a good number of them being Israeli soldiers visiting the Western Wall before Rosh Hashannah. I found out about it when I woke up this morning. After reading the newspaper about it just now, I realize that what makes this all the more frightening is that there's no way to really know if and when this will happen again. I'm not used to living with the idea of terror in my neighborhood. In high school and in Rochester, I knew what areas to aviod at night, and in general, and where to be sure there was someone with me. Now, it's not so easy.
I will never understand how a 19 year old boy can get into a car, see a group of people walking, and floor it into them. Call me closedminded, but I don't think I'll ever be able to understand it. And all the while, it's happening in my neighborhood.

Today was my first Israel Seminar. This is a course we have every Wednesday where we talk about Israel, our relationship with the land, and actually go out into the land itself. Next week we're going up north the the Golan and Galilee for a couple of days to talk about "the New Jew."
When I first heard about this class, I thought it was going to be like the Bible study classes I had to deal with over the summer: stuck in an overcrowded lecture room with a professor talking at us for 2 hours, followed by a day comprising of hours of walking in extreme heat. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea. So, today's class was a really good surprise for me.
We took an entire morning to talk about our views of being in Israel, on being reform Jews studying in Israel, and on the land itself with its endless tension and conflict. It was the first time in a while I've had the opportunity to sit down and really think about all of these issues that I deal with every day I'm here.
When I was growing up, I was taught in Hebrew school that Israel is "the Land of milk and honey" - a sort of modern day Eden. I pictured beautiful orchards full of pomegranates, synagogues, and warm, friendly Jews everywhere I went. Then I went on birthright. While this 10 day program gives Jewish kids from all over the world a chance to see the land of their ancestors, and now the Jewish state, they keep Israel more like a museum than anything else: look, but don't touch, and no flash photography. An Israeli would never listen to those rules. When someone goes on birthright, they are kept in a bubble and shown only what Taglit wants them to see, like the Western Wall, the Dead Sea, and Massada. It's all propoganda, but it's also a free trip to Israel which makes it harder to complain about it. I loved the Israel I saw on birthright - it was a brilliantly executed 10 day production of attempting to get Jewish kids to make Alyiah (move to Israel).
I've been living in Jerusalem for over 2 months now, and I have to say that my views have changed dramatically, but I didn't realize how much so until today. We were split up into small groups and given a choice of texts to talk about. My group chose to study a passage of Mishna and Talmud about coming to Israel. Some of the rabbinic interpretations were hard to swallow for a modern reform Jewish woman, and I won't rehash it all here, but it aroused a lot of thoughts in my head. It was then that I realized that I don't see Israel the way I did as a kid, or even on birthright. Also, even in the Mishna text, there was a disctinction made between living in the Land of Israel, and living in Jerusalem. It is more difficult to live in Jerusalem than anywhere else in Israel. It has nothing to do with the weather or the hills or the slippery stones of the sidewalks - it's about the tension. It's strange that my coming to study Judaism in the holiest city in the Jewish State could bring about so much controversy. The fact is, HUC students don't just come here to see the land and be immersed in the language like I'd originally figured. We're here to bring a Reform Jewish voice to Jerusalem. I am living in a city that essentially shuts down on Shabbat. There are Charedim who will scoff or even yell at me for wearing a tank top, a skirt that isn't deemed long enough, or not having my head covered depending on where I am. The average woman my age living in Jerusalem is married with between 1-3 kids already. Charedi men will avoid any physical contact not only with me, but any woman; even something as unimportant as brushing a shoulder while walking on the street. When people ask me what I'm studying here, I have to be extremely cautious about who I tell that I'm studying to become a Reform cantor. In the US, people would ask me: "What's that?" In Jerusalem, I generally won't even say where I study if asked, unless I'm in a Reform community (of which there are 2-3).
One of the things that struck me in the text was the idea of someone being compelled by someone else to come to Isreal, and to come to Jerusalem. I came here because HUC told me I had to in order to become a cantor - I have been compelled to be here, and so I am. It may not seem like a big deal to have to live in a different country for a year, but living in Jerusalem is living in constant tension with the world around me. I got used to American tension because I grew up with it. Here, it's different. In Jerusalem, one has to fight to legitimize being Reform and studying to be a leader of the movement. In the US, I felt like people didn't take me seriously because I'm Reform. Now, I'm studying to become a better educated Jew and to become a leader in this movement, which I feel very strongly connected to. In Israel, it's not only delegitimized, but in a lot of cases it's not even recognized. Even though I'm studying to become a cantor, I would generally be seen as a secular Jew.
What I'm struggling with now is how much I'm willing to try getting out there and making a difference in this dilemma. When I was in Rochester, the Chabad family never made me feel like less of a Jew for not being Chassidic. They took me into their home and treated me like family, and they embraced my wanting to learn all I could about Judaism. Because of them, I know it's possible for Charedim to accept more liberal Jews, but how much can I do here as just one person? With everything else I'm required to do this year, can the presence of 42 North American Reform Jews in the middle of Jerusalem actually make a difference? Maybe not on the older generations, but quite possibly on the younger.
That was just one of the many issues cluttering my head at the moment, but it was the one I felt compelled to share.

After an amazing 5 days in Greece, I've been pushed head first into my first real week as an HUC student. Today isn't too bad; it's tomorrow that's going to be a killer. Still, in spite of the fact that I'm literally taking 11 classes (not including my voice lessons or community service and High Holiday choirs), I think I'm really going to enjoy the year. Although, I wish I hadn't just counted my classes, it's all stuff I want to learn and that I need to learn to become a well educated cantor, which is why I came to HUC in the first place.
I have to say that my trip to Rhodos was amazing. There are more pictures on the photo site I created for my family (aka people without Facebook):
http://s147.photobucket.com/albums/r291/JessieChai/
The best part of the trip (besides the amazing tan) was realizing that I really have made a place for myself in the HUC community. I traveled with 9 friends, and it was only while we were in Rhodos that I found out how much they not only care about me but have missed having me around. I spent most of August being introverted and on my own and homesick. Now that I'm back from Greece, I'm feeling more like my old self again. Also, I'm wearing my hair curly for the first time since Genna and I broke up. I really needed that vacation, and I'm thrilled I went. The most amazing thing for me was feeling like I was coming home when I got back to Jerusalem. Rhodos and Jerusalem are such polar opposites (besides the weather) - it was nice to come back to what I've grown accustomed to. It's making me wonder how I'll feel when I go back to the USA.
There's more, but for another time.

I feel like a third wheel in my own house.
Gavin's girlfriend moved in with us a week ago now. I like her. I like Gavin. I don't like living with a couple. I feel like I'm in the way whenever I'm not in my room. Strangely my living situation isn't making me want to find a boyfriend of my own; it's just making me wish things could go back to the way they were before. They're leaving for Turkey tomorrow first thing in the morning, so I'll the apartment to myself until I leave for Greece, which should be nice. I'm just tired of feeling like a third wheel where ever I go in this country. I think I'd go insane without Evan, but I also don't want to have to call Rochester every time I'm not feeling all gemutlicht here (there's no English equivalent to gemutlicht, otherwise I would have used it). I should be thrilled that I came home from the grocery store to my apartment being cleaned, but it only made the way I've been feeling more prevalent. It's hard because I like Gavin and Beth a lot and I want this to work. I'm hoping that once I'm in classes and school takes over my life it'll make things easier.
I think my resurfacing insecurities are my way of dealing with this huge move in my life. I guess it's better than crying myself to sleep with homesickness like I did in Italy; I'm just wondering how long it's going to last...

I just got back from my first trip to a travel agency in Israel with 9 of my friends. We're all going to Rhodes, Greece next week for our break between summer and fall classes. We'll be there for 4 days and I'm so excited I don't really know what to do with myself!
That's all :)